short sleeve polo paranoia on the precipice
i was at the interchange getting on a bus. the was a long queue and i was somewhere at the end of it. as the snaking trail of people slowly disappeared onto the bus, i noticed a girl tapping her ezlcard and walking to the back because she was looking at me the whole time. She had an interesting sense of fashion and a cute hairdo and she looked, what a straight guy might call wah jude ah! and as i walked down the queue to the front of the bus and she walked from the front to the back of the bus, we just looked at each other.
and i had to stop looking because my head was craning backward and people were looking on.
so i go up the bus but i carefully avoided looking at her. she was sitting at the back casually looking out the bus from her back windowseat. and as i walked toward the back, i caught her glancing at me. The seat next to her was empty, as well as the seat across the aisle.
i was lugging along a fotomate slung on my right shoulder and it would be sensible to take the seat next to her otherwise the tripod would get in the way. so as i was standing inbetween the two empty seats, she adjusted herself in her seat and made it more roomy for the other seat.
and i sat down. on the seat across the aisle. and this ugly old man behind me sat on the seat she so generously made room for. so for the 2 bus stops which i would be on the bus, she looked out the window and not at my direction once and when i got off the bus and looked at her, her head was swung now in the opposite direction, and not looking at me. god knows what she was thinking, but i had to control my laughter.
hey. sometimes a guy just needs to reaffirm his sexuality la.
in other news, i was at tabs with the gang. having met rahrah earlier at the perimeter of hmv opposite chatsworth, she mentioned that she was going to the bar for a couple of drinks and suggested i drop by.
and i did, accidentally, because on that day itself for the first time in 2 months of going to tabs i realised bar was just 4 doors away.
so i was with rahrah and adri in this karaoke lounge seated on comfy black leather sofas and then this cute gaylooking waiter comes up to us and says
hi, this good looking man would like to get to know you
and he was indicating to adri. she was all excited, and i could see her eyes growing big and suspicious droplets of perspiration dripping off her temples. rahrah was so excited for her too so excited that she said to me
if ever such a goodlooking guy like him over there would come up and chat me up, you got to pretend to be my boyfriend!
and that i did, when this fat buffoon stumbled up to us with a glass of what looked like chivas green tea and smiled a teeth full of filth and yesterdays chicken rice. i had my hand around her waist and was all cozy with her. So he offered his salutations and his drink, to which i declined saying i didn drink (hey a white lie to save my getting anywhere near to him and his drink!) and after a bit, he got the hint and stumbled back to the hole he shouldnt have protruded out of.
only thing that bothered me was how he never offered his drink to rahrah, the little puzzle that was solved later in a moment of shock. he was GAY. and all the while i was protecting rahrah like i was some kinda chastity belt it was i who needed protecting! but i guessed it worked either way. he thought i was depressingly straight, attached and a non drinker. what a party pooper! but whatever gets you off my leg honey!
and attention was diverted back to adri and her less than charming prince. so we started on how good a ______ rahrah was and we all animatedly talked/giggled and screamed among ourselves, leaving our poor wannabehero by himself with this glass all lonely in his hand. (note i did the talking, adri did the giggling and rahrah did the screaming). so he did what any embarassedly left alone guy would do. he left saying he had something to do. now its back to library management and lovenotes to directors. very maybe see you lovelies again!
on another note, che is having her mensus now, and have been for a good 2 weeks to which my mother frustrates
it usually lasts only a week. everyday i get home, she lick me clean and proceed to hump my leg. and sometimes my toes would brush her bleeding vagina and she get go into a little orgasmic throe. then she lick her mensus off my toe and walk out the room.
she makes me feel like a prostitute. and i left wondering if i done some really bad beastiality deed. i mean, i don purposely try to get her off and no, i don get off watching her get off. i just never seen a masturbating bitch before and it sort of fascinating. and it wierd that my little toes her dildo. (i mean i didn go inside,
but dildo to the effect that it a tool). and i know for certain that she not being frisky for the purpose of procreation. what else would she want but just a fucking good time am i right and seeing how i her master (or is it the other way around), and how the other people around are only either my mom and my dad (neither of which would be willing tools for her to jack off), hey if i dont lend her my leg, shes going to be one sexless, frustrated bitch. i sure no one wants that because in a happy world, everyones sexually satisfied! come on and flame me already!
A couple of days ago i was with jiron and mark at a coffeeshop and we were talking about alot of little random things, one of which was insomnia like how you could be deadtired one moment, but just when you go and you try to sleep, your eyes fly open and there you are staring up into your bedroom ceiling. so you try to think sleepy thoughts and count sheep and all that jazz and you tired and you can feel it, but deep down inside you know that goddamnit, you just can sleep!!
which is why im here now on C s bed, 4:30am blogging this entry on C notebook. C is reading this and for some reason or another he laughing. He happy. Italy won Georgia 3 1 and hes making a comeback. Anyhows, I have thought being here would be easy for me to sleep it usually is, you know. but for reasons unknown to me, my minds working overtime and overjuiced up this time round. it feels like a circus up there. maybe its because of all that nonsense that just happened with the pitch and all, maybe im just not in the mood. whatever it is, i cant sleep! Isn t it great that C s all snoring in his sleep now had a dream last night and i was meaning to write it but i just fell right asleep after that thought. it was a strange one. i dreamt of K after such a long time and in this dream most of it i can remember it was night and there were ninjas scuttering around. i was with people out in the frontyard of a triple storey bungalow house in the dead of the night and it be all quiet and eerie and we were waiting. waiting because we knew they were coming. and they did. from dozens of units away we could see them coming in, silently running along walls and roofs in the moonlight and they vanish into the shadows to reappear uncomfortably nearer. and from the corner of my eye as i looked upward in anticipation, i saw one scutturing along the walls of our bungalow. above us. i swirl around and through the open frontyard sidedoor that lead into kitchen, i saw K. The kitchen is lit with nothing but a candle on a wooden table right smack in the center and K was hunched over looking at what i presumed were maps, or some sort of strategic information that might lead to the arrest of this deadly situation. the shadows were crawling all around with their jetblack tendrils and i feared for his life, that at any moment from the darkness, the ninjas would silently end his life. my most vivid memory was how i just had to protect him, to keep him safe from all that around him even though i was certain he was absolutely capable of taking care of himself but i didn want him to face it alone. i ran in.
and then i woke up (and promptly fell back asleep).
I feel very uncomfortable now, there so much incomplete, there so much uncertain. it either i decide what i want to do and make sure it happens or it just going to end right when i decide to run. for You, You, You and You who gave me fair warning, that i thank you but that i hate you too for planting that certain suspicion in me. Whatever it is on a not so random note, I need to get the letter out. And fast.
keep the faith and make it stick together. The world s getting unbearably heavy on my shoulders, but ive only just begun to carry it.
C you want some water ok. Give it.
after 2 months of lull, laziness and lethargy,
i finally decided that today was going to be the day i get off my ass and go to the gym again. and not without a 7 click run to the reservoir before that. i plan an minimum of 3 times a week so by the time production begins on 27th november, i have: